for that moment of depression??

this a post on how i felt at a particular time and moment in mi life i think i was having a bad day :(

this could be the worst day of my life, i know i've had feelings like this before, but to be honest no one can compare with the love i feel for this boy today, i can't belive all my emotions and belives have to be shaken up to the core, and feel quizzy about them, i am in a constant battle with myself between the person i was raced and the person i want to be, for instance i was raced the old fashion way and that entitles to be treated and cared by men at all times, economically most of the time, when it comes to relationships i'm acostumed that men pay for everything, (this now in days is a cliché and most of the times rejected by the new generation of men), where the women can share the bill and such, other ways is the constat attention and the constant care, me being an only child imgine i got all of those things as high standars with being stubborn and all, i have changed a little from the person i was before, i do pay sometimes, and even make arragements (depending on the case obvously), why do i say this cause i need to build a backgroud of the common fights i have with my actual bf, in the beggining like every relationship i guess everything feels like nothing can touch us, and love conquers it all, but as time passes by, earlier for once later for others, we accostum ourselfs to the thing we where doing in the beggining of the relationship, after a while and doing the same thing over and over it becomes so ordinary that even if it wasn't in the start, now it is, i guess cause it happens so often, we have tried to make arragements to keep renovating ourselfs and keep doing different stuff on different days, but still it doesn't seem to make a big difference, the question is, even if we now that we have an issue do we still do nothing out of stubborness? this qustion came up on one of the converstions with my boyfriend if u can called it a conversation it was more of an argument, the only thing we where arguing about at that time was that i was asking him to change something for the better and he replyed with the if u change i'll change, at this point i got so mad cause i have changed some things about myself in the past and know that i am asking him to change something in himself he says that? of course i let him know how i feel and he says that i keep asking for more and more stuff, and it's never enough, and then asked like what? he couldn't recall but he did feel like something had happened, this is a common issue for us, cause we always bring back the same issues that are related to old ones, the question is can u really get over it, and if u do how can u start over without that stuff coming in the way, i constalty feel like he does not miss me anymore and he does not care, the common catch to learn if this is true is the fallowing, since u cannot ask him directly cause u may thing he lies, then i tried that we need a brake so that we can actually feel we miss eacother if he relpies he doesn't want to, means he does if he agrees oh oh, he's in trouble and so are you...this is a cry for help all tough i'm not quite sure who's the one the needs more help, if u read this and think that can give some advice let me know, i know this is kind of all over the place but ther's so much in me that is hart to paste it all in writting...